Friday Funnies Contest: What's wrong with this statement?

David Brooks
Noted Bible Scholar

In his op-ed for The New York Times yesterday, David "Know Your Bible" Brooks attempts to invoke Messianic sanction for his argument:

In Corinthians, Jesus tells the crowds, “Not many of you were wise by worldly standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.”

Okay, folks. Have at it. Brooks makes two (possibly three) glaring errors in introducing the biblical quote.

Can you spot them?

H/T to Sarah Pulliam Bailey via Twitter.

UPDATE: A revised edition of Brooks's column has now been posted, correcting one of the errors but keeping the other two in place.

In Corinthians, Paul tells the crowds, “Not many of you were wise by worldly standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.”

The Friday Funnies: Courtesy of Peter Ould

The High Priestess of the Church of What's Happening Now meets with her Council of Advice, Downfall style.

The Friday Funnies: Justice!

You just have to watch!



H/T to David Limbaugh, via Twitter.

The Friday Funnies: Flat tires and no repair service for Phelps Family Chapel

McALESTER - Members of a Kansas church that protests at military funerals may have found themselves in the wrong town Saturday.

Shortly after finishing their protest at the funeral of Army Sgt. Jason James McCluskey of McAlester, a half-dozen protesters from Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kan., headed to their minivan, only to discover that its front and rear passenger-side tires had been slashed.

To make matters worse, as their minivan slowly hobbled away on two flat tires, with a McAlester police car following behind, the protesters were unable to find anyone in town who would repair their vehicle, according to police.

The minivan finally pulled over several blocks away in a shopping center parking lot, where AAA was called. A flatbed service truck arrived and loaded up the minivan. Assistant Police Chief Darrell Miller said the minivan was taken to Walmart for repairs.

Even before the protesters discovered their damaged tires, they faced off with a massive crowd of jeering and taunting counterprotesters at Third Street and Washington Avenue, two blocks from the First Baptist Church, where the soldier's funeral was held.

Miller estimated that crowd to number nearly 1,000 people, and they not only drowned out the Westboro protesters with jeers, but with raucous chants of "USA, USA."

A few motorcyclists interspersed among the crowd also revved up their engines to muffle the protests.

More than two dozen law-enforcement officers - state troopers, sheriff's deputies and city police - formed a security cordon around the Westboro protesters.

"We're here to protect everyone," Miller said.

Westboro members picket military funerals across the country, spreading their message that "God hates America" because it tolerates homosexuality.

The Friday Funnies: Dr. Terry Tommyrot destroys the "Dawkins Delusion"

"Does Richard Dawkins exist? Many people would say yes. Terry Tommyrot thinks otherwise. In a revealing interview on "The Big Questions", Dr. Tommyrot explains how belief in Richard Dawkins is, in fact, a harmful delusion, and how it can be explained scientifically."

The Friday Funnies: The presumptuous Richard Land

I'm not endorsing a presidential candidate here (at least not until the general election), but I find this piece of religio-political news somewhat amusing. Richard Land, president of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention has written an "open letter" to Newt Gingrich, asking him to come clean about his past infidelities. If the former House Speaker doesn't do so, says Land, he will risk losing the support of "evangelical women."

“Mr. Speaker, if you want to get large numbers of Evangelicals, particularly women, to vote for you, you must address the issue of your marital past in a way that allays the fears of Evangelical women,” he wrote this week. “You must address this issue of your marital past directly and transparently and ask folks to forgive you and give you their trust and their vote”

Gingrich has been married three times. The failure of his first two marriages was reportedly a function of extramarital affairs — indeed he cheated on his second wife with his current wife, Callista Gingrich.

In an interview with The Daily Caller, Land said that Gingrich needs to address his misdeeds and ask for forgiveness.

“Evangelicals, by definition, are a forgiving people,” Land told TheDC. “Confession, redemption, forgiveness is part of our theological DNA. But, it helps when you ask people to forgive you.”

Land claims to have conducted over 200 informal focus groups with Southern Baptists across the country. According to Land, evangelical men are willing to forgive, but evangelical women are extremely concerned.

Land is encouraging Gingrich to give a speech addressing “once and for all” his past transgressions.

There are a number of dynamics at work here which make Dr. Land's "open letter" utterly ridiculous. To begin with, Gingrich already confessed his past transgressions in an interview with respected evangelical leader James Dobson in 2007. Perhaps Land missed that interview because he was too busy condemning Rudy Giuliani's infidelities and making excuses for Mitt Romney. Some will dismiss Gingrich's confession as a strategic political ploy (although he ultimately decided not to run for president in 2008). That is a legitimate question, but he appears to have been acting on his own initiative at the time. Critics would have a much stronger case for political pandering this time around if Gingrich meekly gave in to the demand of a self-proclaimed "evangelical leader" in order to allay the fears of "evangelical women."

Secondly, and more importantly from a non-partisan, strictly religious perspective, Gingrich converted to Catholicism in 2009. The Roman Catholic Church has a very thorough and sacramental process for reconciliation of a penitent. Whatever one thinks of Gingrich's politics or his motives in publicly confessing his sins, it would be scandalously beyond the bounds of Christian charity to question his sincerity in submitting to a process of ecclesiastical and pastoral discipline which, in his case, took a decade to complete. Having received absolution from no less an authority than the pope, it is hardly necessary for Gingrich to do additional penance at the behest of the interim pastor of a Baptist church in Tennessee.

Finally, and somewhat lightheartedly, there is the question of Dr. Land's presumptuousness. Focus group data aside, who is he to speak for "evangelical women?" Well, to quote that imminent theologian Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say, about that."

The Friday Funnies: One more laugh at the expense of Mitch Daniels

Sorry, but this one was just too funny to pass up!

The Friday Funnies: Chicago is Out?

The poor Obamabot anchor is literally dumbfounded.

The final outcome should have been a foregone conclusion. After all, Rio had a little help from the real Messiah.

Think of what a powerful image this will be on the opening fanfare every night on television!

The Friday Funnies: Is Big Bird the Antichrist?

You have to admit. This guy makes a pretty compelling case.

In light of the last post critiquing the ridiculous video about how Barack Obama is supposedly the antichrist, I thought I would construct a case for Big Bird being the antichrist.

1. I have never heard bigbird confess Jesus as Lord. That is the first telling sign that big bird might just be the antichrist (2 John 1:7)

2. Ephesians 2:2 clearly teaches that the forces of evil are related to the “ruler of the kingdom of the air.” Big bird, being a bird, fits that criteria nicely. My suspicion is growing.

3. As the video pointed out, birds were the very thing that came and plucked the gospel seed from the soil along the path (Luke 8:5)

4. The Hebrew word for treacherous, deceitful, faithless or wicked has the consonants b_g_d…sound familiar? It is eerily similar to bigbird (I will even toss in the strongs number just for fun – 898).

5. What is more? How tall is Big Bird? 8 feet 2 inches tall. If you go to the book of the Bible that we were just in, Luke and look at chapter 8 verse 2 what do you find? Evil spirits. What is more…you are just three verses away from the verse we just mentioned about the demonic connections and metaphor of birds with Satan himself.

6. Numerologically, there is not much that can be done. I will mention that DEVIL adds up to 52 and BIGBIRD adds up to 51. Close but no match. Not even a close match in Greek or Hebrew equivalents.

7. Hebrews 2:14 & 1 John 3:10 mention children and the devil in the same verse. Big Bird obviously had close associations with children.

8. Do you know who Big Bird’s parents are? Have you ever seen them or heard of them? Exactly.

I think this is just as convincing evidence as what we have for Barack Obama being the antichrist. So which is it? We report, you decide.

DISCLAIMER – Please don’t take this as anything more serious than a ridiculous satire of the aforementioned video.

The Friday Funnies: Obama Antichrist Redux

Barack Obama may have an overestimated opinion of himself and of the powers of his office, but he is not "the antichrist," no matter how many Scripture passages you pull and twist to make such a claim. The latest effort to saddle Obama with that ignominious title comes from an anonymous "self-described Christian with a theological education and many years in the ministry" who has posted a video on YouTube in which he claims, or at least raises the possibility, that Jesus himself named Obama as the antichrist when he said, "I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven" (Luke 10:18). Employing some dubious hermeneutical, etymological, and linguistic tricks, the anonymous filmmaker morphs the phrase "lightning fall from heaven" into the supposedly Hebraic term, "Baraq Ubama." Thus, Jesus is made to say, "I beheld Satan as Baraq Ubama."

Now, in the unlikely event that any of you are actually persuaded by this ridiculous exercise in dimestore theology, here's a quick refresher course on what the Bible actually says about "the antichrist."

The term itself appears only in the first and second letters of John. It does not appear in Daniel, Revelation, or any other apocalyptic or prophetic books. Paul does not use the term, and neither do any of the Gospel writers. When John uses the term in his epistles, he is referring specifically to schismatic elements who "went out from us [the gathered faithful], but they were not of us" (1 John 2:19). They are possessed of a spirit that does not confess Jesus as having come in the flesh, that is, they deny the Incarnation, the Word made flesh (cf. 1 John 4:3). The term "antichrist" is, for John, primarily of theological, not political, import.

It is significant to note that John refers not only to "the antichrist" but to "many antichrists" (cf. 1 John 2:18) who had already come at the time he was writing. Unlike the truth, which is singular, falsehood comes in many forms. Thus, while the fullness of the truth is embodied in the one Lord Jesus Christ, falsehood cannot be embodied in a singular entity. Attempting to identify one person as "the antichrist," the embodiment of all that is false, is a futile endeavor. For just as "many antichrists" had come in John's day, so many more have come in our day. Their names, however, are of little significance. In the end, they will all be brought to nothing by him who has the Name above every name, the King of kings and Lord of lords, Jesus Christ.

The Friday Funnies: Rubber Ball Slasher on the Loose

At least he has a most appropriate name, considering his "fetish."

Police in Duluth [Minnesota] are looking for a man, they say, has a fetish for slashing rubber exercise balls with a knife.

According to court documents, Christopher Bjerkness, 31, broke into a medical clinic on May 30 and burst a number of the exercise balls with a knife.

Police say surveillance video inside the facility captured the incident. However, officers have been unable to locate Bjerkness.

Bjerkness has been charged with two counts of burglary. He also has three previous convictions for similar crimes.

The Friday Funnies: Monkeying Around with Human Exceptionalism

So, it is now believed that humans are more closely related to orangutans than than to chimpanzees. Well, let's all take a deep breath and . . . yawn!

I read the whole article, and it all seems very speculative. Besides, what does it matter in the end?

While I am all for learning every scientific fact we can, assuming proper ethics, I don’t think this is very important. For some reason, human beings became the exceptional species in the known history of the universe, becoming creative, moral, and able to partially transcend nature with intentionality. We philosophize, pray, seek meaning, comprehend beauty, think abstractly, and design and manufacture machines. We are the only species with duties and the only ones with rights. Indeed, we are the only species that comprehends these concepts. However we came into being–blind evolution, design, creation, or a combination thereof–and whichever animal might be our closest evolutionary relative, human exceptionalism is the core. Distant relations may be interesting, but are not morally germane.

What suddenly concerns me is all those early spaceshots in which chimpanzees sat in for the astronauts. In hindsight, would it have been better to put baboons in the pilot's seat?

The Friday Funnies: Jim Wallis Left-Center-Left

James Kushiner at Mere Comments chronicles the amusingly irrelevant "sojourn" of the amusingly irrelevant Jim Wallis.

Mark Tooley, the new president of the Institute on Religion and Democracy, yesterday pointed out the conversion of Sojourners as a member of the Religious Left. Ted Olsen at CT gives some interesting details and responses from Sojourners about this at CT's blog (HT David Mills). I guess they can't really be sojourners anymore, having finally arrived.

But in 2002 Mark Tooley wrote in Touchstone in Sojourn to the Center:

Six years ago [1996] I wrote about Jim Wallis and his then new movement, “Call to Renewal.” It was advertised as a coalition of religious activists that transcended old categories of left and right. But at that time it seemed a barely repackaged coalition of religious left fixtures from the National Council of Churches, left-wing Catholic orders, and the liberal fringes of the Evangelical world.

The emphasis of the Call has changed. The “prophetic” denunciations of capitalism are almost all gone. Republicans, and the Democrats who dare to seek alternatives to liberal orthodoxy, are no longer excoriated, at least not loudly.

Tooley concluded:

Wallis now cites the family, not the state, as the center of society. And his underlying message acknowledges that faith, not government programs, is the ultimate answer to the human condition.

A cynic might suspect that Wallis is simply deploying the language that will appeal to the traditional religious groups that he seeks to recruit for the Call. But even most cynics will acknowledge that age, marriage, and children can change a man.

Whether Wallis is sincere or opportunistic in his move to the center, it bodes well that he has moved

So according to Tooley, in 1996 or so, Wallis was clearly on the Left (not that he would have used that label), then moderated to the center more or less by 2002, but in 2009 is openly on the Left again.

So let me get this straight: 1996, 2002, 2009--Clinton, Bush, Obama--Left, Center, Left.

Hmm, maybe I spoke too soon. Sojourners no more? They may be on the move again at some point in the future. Perhaps its not really a matter of whether the state or the family is at the center, but whether Sojourners is....?

BTW, congrats and all the best to my old friend Mark Tooley on his promotion to president of the IRD. As for Wallis and his political grandstanding, I have long since seen through his thin disguise.

The Friday Funnies: Lindsey's Exegesis by Current Events

Charles Spurgeon decried and belittled his contemporaries who engaged in what he called "exegesis by current events," the dubious practice of reading Scripture in the light of history rather than history in the light of Scripture, especially in the area of eschatology. Stephen Sizer has pointed out the danger of this novel approach to biblical interpretation in his recent volume, Zion's Christian Soldiers? The Bible, Israel and the Church. There persists within the evangelical Christian community a mistaken view of biblical prophecy which ignores the contemporary contextual significance of the prophetic writings and insists that the events foretold by Daniel, Ezekiel, and John of Patmos (just to name a few) apply primarily to the present generation.

The chief purveyor of "exegesis by current events" over the last forty years has been Hal Lindsey. His column published today at WorldNetDaily is yet another quintessential example of his hokey hermeneutics. After describing the events presently unfolding in the Middle East (where else?), Lindsey predictably observes:

Taking a step back and looking at the Big Picture, it is hard not to miss the fact that events are developing in concert with the ancient prophecies of Scripture.

The Prophet Isaiah foretold the "burden of Damascus" (Isaiah 17:1) in which the prophet predicts the overnight destruction of that great city in the last days: "At evening time, behold there is terror! Before morning they are no more. Such will be the portion of those who plunder us, and the lot of those who pillage us." (Isaiah 17:14)

The Prophet Ezekiel predicts an alliance between Russia and an Islamic confederacy headed by Iran, or Persia.

Hamas continues to attack Israel with rocket attacks for the sheer joy of the violence of it all. Related to this, the Prophet Obadiah pronounced this verdict against Edom, who is one of the forefathers of the people of Hamas, saying, "Because of violence to your brother Jacob, you will be covered with shame, and you will be cut off forever." Interestingly, the word translated as "violence" in this Scripture is the Hebrew word, chamac, pronounced "hamas."

Of all the generations in history, it is to this generation that the prophecies of the last days are addressed. Previous generations looked for the signs given by Scripture, but only this generation can truly see them all come together at one time – which is itself a key fulfillment of prophecy.

The Prophet Daniel predicted these conditions: "And I heard, but I understood not: then said I, O my Lord, what shall be the end of these things? And he said, 'Go thy way, Daniel: for the words are closed up and sealed till the time of the end.'" (Daniel 12:8-9) We are witnessing the "unsealing" of the end-times prophecies.

The fatal flaw of "exegesis by current events" should be obvious to any serious student of the Bible. It violates one of the basic rules of biblical interpretation, namely, that Scripture is its own best interpreter. The prophecies of Daniel which were "closed up and sealed till the time of the end" were, in fact, unsealed in the final book of the New Testament. As I have written before:

In the grand narrative of the Bible, Daniel and Revelation are two parts of the same whole. When John begins to "weep loudly because no one was found worthy to open the scroll or to look into it," he is consoled by one of the elders around the throne of God, who says to him, "Weep no more; behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has conquered so that he can open the scroll and its seven seals" (Revelation 5:4-5).

The book that Daniel had been instructed to seal is now unsealed. The fullness of God's plan for the redemption of the world has been revealed in Jesus Christ. He is "the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the root of David" who "has conquered" the forces of sin, death, and hell through his life, death, and resurrection "so that he can open the scroll and its seven seals."

Just what part of "Weep no more; behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has conquered, so that he can open the scroll and its seven seals" does Lindsey not understand?

The Friday Funnies: Climate Kooks Predict No Ice at North Pole

Santa Claus and the elves are reportedly in full panic mode.

It seems unthinkable, but for the first time in human history, ice is on course to disappear entirely from the North Pole this year.

The disappearance of the Arctic sea ice, making it possible to reach the Pole sailing in a boat through open water, would be one of the most dramatic – and worrying – examples of the impact of global warming on the planet. Scientists say the ice at 90 degrees north may well have melted away by the summer.

"From the viewpoint of science, the North Pole is just another point on the globe, but symbolically it is hugely important. There is supposed to be ice at the North Pole, not open water," said Mark Serreze of the US National Snow and Ice Data Centre in Colorado.

If it happens, it raises the prospect of the Arctic nations being able to exploit the valuable oil and mineral deposits below these a bed which have until now been impossible to extract because of the thick sea ice above.

Seasoned polar scientists believe the chances of a totally ice-free North Pole this summer are greater than 50:50 because the normally thick ice formed over many years at the Pole has been blown away and replaced by huge swathes of thinner ice formed over a single year.